Coping with grief.

I am reading a book called Case Histories which is a complex mystery novel, centering on dysfunctional families. The main character, Jackson, is a detective who works privately dealing with missing cats and suspicious spouses. But as his cases start piling up, things get more and more serious. One of the new cases he has is investigating a ten year old murder of a young intern. Her father, Theo, seems to be obsessed with her, gathering all the news paper articles and pinning them up. Jackson is constantly saying that he needs to move on, and that he can’t let go. But then his co-worker says “Why would he let go?”

That was very interesting to me. If you think about it about, why would he say a final goodbye do his daughter. He seems to be very content going through rituals that honor her memory and sit4ting in her favorite places, etc. This might be creepy, but obviously he had a strong connection to her and misses her a lot. This is his way of coping with loss. Other people look at it and judge him.

On the flip side it is true he doesn’t seem to be getting on with his life. And by getting on I mean; Meeting new people, making new friends, going for new experiences. He wallows in the past, finding no consolation for his grief. And what does it do for him? Nothing really.

Coping with grief is something a lot of people have trouble with. But to each his own, no one should judge Theo for living in the past, even if it might not be the best thing for him.